my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize