Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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