sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
