my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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