Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
