omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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