Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
