is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
