Im at strip club and am horny
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
