We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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