Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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