we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
