That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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