Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
