She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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