remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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