Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
