remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
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