so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
