Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
