She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
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