Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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