Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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