i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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