Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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