Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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