There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
