hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
