his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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