dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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