plz talk dirty to me
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
