Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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