where am i from again
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
