If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
