if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Randomize
