white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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