dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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