Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
