My room smells like vodka and shame
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
