I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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