I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
my poor anus
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
