So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
