Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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