Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
