My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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