I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
