Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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