Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
