When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
