I wanna passion pit in your ass
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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