he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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