if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
