i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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