I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
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