ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
