what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
