This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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