my vag is so smooth its legendary
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize