we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
