maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
