the condom got lost in my hair
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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