It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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