I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
