It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
