would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
