I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
