where am i from again
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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