Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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