The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
