It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm sobbing to NWA
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
