Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
