strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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