I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize