Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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