Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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