I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
